


I am here in my mold

by Mayonnaiser



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Loki is really tired, Loki lived and helped saving the universe, M/M, Parallel Universes, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Thor vanished for five years, at least Loki kinda sees them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25187707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayonnaiser/pseuds/Mayonnaiser
Summary: 'Thor would never ask him to talk about it, he knows that Loki won’t spill even a word if he doesn’t want to, but Laufeyson wishes that Thor makes him speak, just this once, so he doesn’t embarrass himself with a need to do so.'or Loki suffers and doesn't believe in his own luck.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	I am here in my mold

**Author's Note:**

> This work wouldn't be here if it wasn't for [Sideco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sideco), who volunteered to edit! I can't stress how thankful I am!
> 
> I hope, you will like this : )

Visions are the side effect of a mind fully tangled with _seidr_ , dedicated hundreds of thousands hours to restless working and practicing. Countless times Frigga was telling him why it is so important for magicians, like herself, to be in control of their minds and bodies; and Loki has never underestimated her words even once. They might not be welcomed with their gift but for sure they would never give up on it for anything. Never.

The weaker the mind, the crueler torture gets.

The images of the other worlds, imaginary or real, who knows, flood his head and stay there for as long as he can take it before snapping back into reality, forcefully making himself aware of what is before him. Five years are not more than a blink of an eye for a such powerful entity, and yet Loki struggles to brush off those five long and devastating years as if he was cursed. Even now, when he is free, truly free, something is terribly, utterly wrong. 

Loki is restless; Thor looks at his brother with a tired understanding, touches him lightly, trying to reach him, but it doesn’t work. The nights, when they are the one, are magnificent, clearly are mind-blowing, and Thor murmurs that now he may have what he craves for so dearly in Loki’s ear. A break. And he lets Loki fall asleep in his arms, breathing heavily, while still in a bliss after their coupling.

The vision he gets this night is too real to be imaginary, and Loki suspects something that he really doesn’t want to. That he shouldn’t have thought of in a first place.

_He is wearing the gauntlet, the stones are shining on his knuckles, and then there is Thanos with his deep frown and undeniable might._

_“Is that what your redemption is?” The mad giant asks, clearly not believing even for a second that a puny god might be a problem. He was tortured by them; he was no more than a broken man. “To die aimlessly?”_

_And even if Loki is ‘just’ for the first time in his life, it feels so right._

_“I am Loki of Asgard,” the words come to him easily, “son of Frigga, a rightful heir to the throne of Jötunheim,” he stands straight and doesn’t find fear in Thanos’ eyes, “a god of mischief.”_

_“Anything else?” the giant teases, right when he starts sprinting towards Loki._

_And then Loki snaps his fingers and the world shudders._

He wakes up with a scream, and Thor’s shaking him, shouting, calling for him. They share a moment of a hard breathing and there is fear in both of their sights. Loki doesn’t know what Thor saw before he woke up, Loki doesn’t know what he might have said or done while being unconscious. He is only aware of an animalistic terror in Odinson’s eyes, complete with his trembling hands. He would give everything for this so many years ago and how he is scared of it now.

Loki chokes on air in his lungs and coughs, each jolt comes with an ache in his human body. It doesn’t get better.

Thor would never ask him to talk about it, he knows that Loki won’t spill even a word if he doesn’t want to, but Laufeyson wishes that Thor makes him speak, just this once, so he doesn’t embarrass himself with a need to do so.

At some point Thor hugs him, breathing hot on a pale skin, his chest warms Loki’s back, and Loki succumbs to Thor’s might and heat. 

He wants to slip away from his thoughts so damn much, Laufeyson feels tears on his cheeks. The silence breaks only by his whimpers.

_“The one, who killed the mad giant Thanos,” Loki adds after the world is not shaking anymore._

_There is shock in Thanos’ eyes, a question, an understanding. After all, they underestimated Loki, all of them. And with that, Thanos vanishes._

_His legs can’t hold him anymore and Loki falls down, feeling numb and useless. He wanted to be a hero, to be equal to Thor at the point when he is ready to give his life for that, as he just did. A sob escapes from his tightened lips._

Loki doesn’t see any reason to make excuses, but he feels the need anyway. He knows how weird this whole thing is and knows that Thor doesn’t deserve such treatment.

“I’ll get better,” Laufeyson swears, not trying to get away from sweet touches. “It’s just a human body. I’ve been like this for too long.”

Thor doesn’t say anything, and at this point Loki panics.

What is real? Is this his Hel? Loki can distinctly remember those times, when Thor was no more than his imagination, a little trick of his mind. And he would be silent as well, would smile at him, sneer, but wouldn’t say a thing. Sometimes he would tho, just to ridicule him, but most there was nothing but silence.

His sight goes white as he losing his grasp.

_“Loki,” Thor’s eyes are widened, not believing what he just saw. And there it is, understanding of what he has just done._

_“What?” his hoarse voice is so unlike his own. The pale skin becomes blue, and Laufeyson chuckles. “Hopefully this will help.”_

_There shall be no mourning. Thor’s hatred of these creatures is powerful enough to make him forget everything, Loki thinks. He doesn’t expect Odinson falling to his knees so he could hug him. Thor is repeating his name, and Loki feels tears in his eyes. In another world, he thinks, in another timeline, maybe they could…_

“Loki!”

Thor’s holding him down, kissing his cheeks and lips, asking if he is okay.

Loki thinks whether these visions are real, after all. And he can’t believe that out of all his variations, he is the one to be here.

He kisses Thor back with the thirst as if he just lost him forever, and Thor answers him with the same enthusiasm. And when Thor thrusts in his body and Loki takes him eagerly, he can’t stop trembling with the fear that maybe he is the one, who is imagined.


End file.
